Blog #150 Do You Have Self-Compassion?

I read this healing article this week and wanted to share it with you.

3 Ways to Be More Self-Compassionate-
From the Power of Positivity

So, if self-compassion is desirable, how can you learn to practice it?

1.    Practice Forgiveness to Become Self-Compassionate

People often feel like the only way to take responsibility for their actions is to punish themselves if they fail. What this principle doesn’t take into account is that human nature is imperfect and susceptible to failure. Moreover, accountability doesn’t mean punishing yourself for the past, but rather working toward becoming better in the future.

If you’ve failed, punishment will solve nothing. It will only hurt you. Instead, self-forgiveness will allow you to move on. You have to let yourself be imperfect, to make mistakes. You have to accept the fact that sometimes, you will be unproductive, that you will have days where you just lay on the couch watching TV. And that’s ok.

Forcing yourself to be as close to perfection as possible will lead to burnout. It will stress you out, overburden you, and make you underperform. But allowing yourself a break from time to time will balance things out. Taking a day off to focus on your mental well-being will make you feel more energized and ready to take on the world. Acknowledge that you need to do things in your way and at your own pace.

The only way to achieve this is to consciously remind yourself that you forgive your mistakes until you’ve created a reflex. You have to work toward shifting your behavior proactively. Make a mental note to stop using derogatory terms when referring to yourself. Stop insulting yourself for the smallest of mistakes. Change your language and try more positive ways to address yourself.

Psychotherapist Kristen Martinez uses the metaphor of a “permission slip.” The idea behind it is that you permit yourself to make mistakes. If you feel like you want to get angry with yourself because of a failure, remember that you gave yourself a permission slip. And you can’t be mean to someone with permission, right?

2.    Have a Growth Mindset

Not being self-compassionate is especially damaging because it doesn’t allow you to strive toward growth. Being judgmental will only tear you down and stress you out unnecessarily. If you want to make sure you avoid failure, concentrate on growing. This will allow self-compassion, and it will make your life better overall.

The first step in achieving growth is learning to set reasonable goals and targets. Also, remember to break down tasks and goals into smaller steps. That way, you will be able to take smaller steps and have a concrete plan. Understand that you can grow only when moving on from failures and pushing onward. If you get stuck in place because your judgment demotivates you, you will get nowhere. You will only lose time if you dwell on the past. Always focus on the future. If you fail, ask yourself what you can do to make things better from there on.

Besides the pragmatic aspects, learn to practice self-kindness. Recognize that everyone is imperfect. When you fail, your first instinct might be to think, “I shouldn’t struggle. Everyone else is so happy, and I’m here hitting walls!” But that’s not the case. Everyone has made mistakes in life. The sooner you acknowledge that, the sooner you will understand that you deserve just as much kindness as others do. With self-kindness, you will think, “everyone sometimes struggles, so it’s fine if I do too.”

To allow growth, remember you are not alone. You are dealing with normal human experiences that everyone encounters at some point. The people who have their life together are the ones who have learned that the possibility of growth is worth more than a punishment. They are the ones who practice self-compassionate behaviors, so try to emulate that in your daily life.

3.    Be Mindful to Become More Self-Compassionate

Being mindful is all about looking inward and accepting who you are. It’s about being in touch with your feelings and accepting them rather than being reactionary.

People tend to be compassionate towards others because they empathize with them. That’s because they understand how others feel and how they’re hurting. If that’s the trick to being compassionate towards others, why not do that towards yourself? Get in tune with your feelings and try to empathize with them.

The best way to do that is by letting your mind wander. Take some time to think. Reflect on your day. How did certain moments make you feel? How do you think about the goals you have in place? If you feel like you can’t relax enough to let your thoughts flow freely, try meditation. Specific breathing techniques associated with meditation will allow you to be entirely submerged by thoughts.

The more you think about your feelings, the more in tune with yourself you will be. Understanding how your brain is wired allows you to learn how to handle your emotions. It will help you be kinder to yourself, thus putting you on the right path toward self-compassion.

Mindfulness has also links to authenticity, to being true to yourself. It can help you understand your values and principles, thus allowing you to do things that fit your wants and needs. More authentic people are also more motivated. This drive can help you enforce your growth mindset.

Final Thoughts on What It Means To Be Self-Compassionate

Self-compassion comprises three main branches: self-kindness, having common humanity, and mindfulness. To learn to be self-compassionate, you have to work on all three - practice self-kindness by practicing forgiveness, consciously changing your vocabulary. Use more nice words when talking about yourself. Give yourself a pass to make mistakes and understand imperfection is human.

Strive toward creating a connection with your thoughts and feelings. Understand where your emotions come from and how to manage them. Be authentic, true to yourself, and work to fulfill your needs.

I would like to add: practice staying grounded, neutral and be aware. Be your authentic true self to fulfill your Soul’s purpose and divine plan in this life. Choose to be joyous and happy, because it is your choice.

Photo of a powerful saying with sweet sunflowers from Sonia Ricotti the “Bounce Back” expert